The Best Chocolate Chip Cookies EVER!

I can't guarantee that these are the best chocolate chip cookies ever; but I guarantee that these are the best chocolate chip cookies ever. The ladies love these because since it is such a laborious recipe they CAN'T make them. So us guys got to roll up our sleeves and get dirty with our big man muscles. I am going to get serious because I am seriously serious about these seriously kick ass cookies. You ready? Let's do this:

In a large bowl whisk:
2c flour
2 1/2c oats (not instant dummy)
1tsp baking powder
1tsp baking soda (not from the open one in the fridge)
1/2tsp salt
Set aside

In a similarly large but different bowl, cream:
2 sticks of SOFTENED (i.e. room temperature and no you cannot use your microwave which is probably a good thing anyway because it typically blows a fuse in your trailer)
1c white sugar
1c brown sugar
You can play with the sugar ratio a little bit.
I tend to go heavy on the brown and light on the white.

"HOLY CRAP!!!
All my butter got stuck to the mixer.
What in the world to I do?
Scrape it like a sucker?
Throw it away?
What other option could I possibly have?"

Hold the mixer just above the shit in the bowl,
but low enough that it is inside the bowl.
Then turn that fucker to 11!

Success!
You will need to do this a couple of times,
but just work it smoothly, slowly,
and be sure to take your time.

At this point we can add:
2 eggs (do not pre-beat)
1-2tsp vanilla depending on your persuasion.

It is time for the hard part.
Mix the dry into the wet.

Start off very slowly.
Mix small amounts of the dry into the wet
and do not add more until the original dry has been fully incorporated.
Patience is truly a virtue.
Man, I am getting tired...
Beer Break!

Okay back to business.
Now that the wet and dry are one,
we can start to add our nuts and chocolate in the same manner.
1-1 1/2c walnuts or pecans (not both)
~2c Chocolate chips (I like the dark chocolate ones)

Time to start rolling.
If you have used the restroom recently,
be sure to wash your hands if you have not already.

Roll them into small balls and give them ample room between each other.
It really pisses me off when cookies cook into each other.
I am getting angry just thinking about it!
You will have extra dough so you can either make a shit load more,
put it in the fridge for up to 48hrs, or eat it raw.
Do NOT give to dog.

350 deg and 10 minutes later you got yourself some kick ass cookies.
Place onto rack ASAP.
Be careful as they will be mildly flimsy at this point.
Enjoy and be sure only to share if the odds are good.

Sounds very delicious and easy to prepare. This is really for beginners.
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